haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize