i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
