a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
