Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
