what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
