Midget sex pt 2 tonight
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
