drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
