bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
