It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
