she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
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You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
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I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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