those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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