he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
