The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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