Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Enjoy the penises
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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