..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
After last night, I could never be a politician.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
