This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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