bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
