sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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