First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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