I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
