I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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