I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
