I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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