Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
