Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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