he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
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You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
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Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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