What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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