I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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