Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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