we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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