I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
