I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
