:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
In other news, I just burned my penis
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
