y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It's Friday. Sex?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
