If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
