WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
