i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
