yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
