We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
