So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
