Please, let me fuck your mom
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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