i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
