So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
