She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
