do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
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Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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