Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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