I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
