at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
