i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize