Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
COCAINE IS GR8
So here I am, sexting at work.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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