all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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