winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
