We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
