he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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