dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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