What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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