i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
