so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
