I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
