I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
