Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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