would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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