i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
