you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
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THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just high enough for therapy.
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But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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