the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
