No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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