just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
